mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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