do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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