did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
