it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
