It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
