i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
