Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
