and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
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