Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
