At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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