I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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