Screwed.edu
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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