I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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