This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
