if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
