i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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