OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
