The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
