i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
