You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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