I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
