filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
