hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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