dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
