So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
