Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
