we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
