I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
