***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I hope mine doesn't look like that
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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