Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
