Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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