ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
