question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
My pussy is not your playground.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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