My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
