I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
