Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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