my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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