Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I am puke
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
