I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
