So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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