I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
