Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We just shotgunned beers for America
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
