I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
