I'm gonna have a badass scar
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
