He is such a slut. More and more my type.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
