In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
