You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
