so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
