paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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