how hairy? two words: wookie tits
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
