Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
