So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
